i need more yoga in my life

or at least that’s what i figure. amongst other things, yoga is something i definitely red to integrate in my daily life. a lot has happened this year.

i moved to Vienna, into my very first own apartment. it’s beautiful and the best place a girl could wish for.
i started a full-time internship. the team is really nice and it’s interesting and challenging.
i wrote my second and therefore last bachelor paper. i handed it in and received an A from my, very very nice & supportive, supervisor.
i found the master-programme i want to study and applied. they invited me to an interview and are now considering all applicants.
i got asked to prolong the internship for another half year, which is great on several aspects.
i’m earning more money than ever before and, for the first time in my life, am able to save a proportion of my income.

sounds all good, doesn’t it?   i don’t fully understand yet, but somehow, something still isn’t right. maybe it’s inside me, but something is definitely getting to me, manifesting itself in 2 totally unpredictable, spontaneous attacks of sudden heart race within the past week. i am 21 years old, leading a healthy, vegan lifestyle and would describe myself as genuinely blessed. however, it happened. both times caught me completely off guard and made me panic. i felt horrible and had never experienced my heart doubling its speed without any obvious reason. after talking to my mum, who’s a nurse, and her calming me down, i was still afraid to stay alone in my apartment and go to sleep alone there. maybe it sounds stupid, but i was terrified that something was gonna happen to me at night and nobody would even notice or get me help. moreover, i was freaking out since i hab been convinced to do everything right in terms of “healthy living”. so what the heck was happening to me??! it got me thinking. you see, my mind can be a dangerous bitch. one thing i learned within the past few months of full time working in a basically “open office”, is that i’m a text-book introvert. i get my energy of being alone and get exhausted from being in constant company of other people. it isn’t that i’m anti-social or “hate people”, i just feel empty and kind of drained after being with the same group of colleagues for 8 hours a day without any time alone. yes, it is weird (sind apparently i’m the only person ticking this way in my office), but i believe this is simply my nature. i, for example, also need to get out in my lunch break and just walk around a bit, alone, to clear my head and relax a bit. so, that’s the one thing. on the other hand, i kinda suffer from being alone at my apartment all the time i’m not working. yes, after coming home i enjoy alone-time to re-charge. BUT then again, getting up, coming home and going to sleep all alone all the time seems to also be not balanced at all. here, the part about my brain sometimes being a bitch kicks in: being alone with my head often leads to worrying or just numbness. which can seriously drive me crazy at times.

*going to first ever bikram yoga class right now*

oh. my. GOD! just came back from my first BIKRAM yoga class. i knew it would be hot, but this was just INCREDIBLE!! i just came back, straight into the shower although i was already completely wet, now lying down in my bed with the laptop, typing this. uhm…wow. you know, normally i don’t sweat like…ever. i’m usually quite cold, especially my feet and hands. i thought “okay, i might sweat a little” but i was completely covered in it after just a couple of minutes!!!!!

*inhales water*

tbh, in the middle of the class i though i’d never do this kinda yoga again but now i feel reborn. wow. and tired, but in a good way, not in the usual crappy way of always feeling drained. ok, maybe i should continue with the story bout my heart. so, the heart racing attack repeated itself later that week when i was chilling at my boyfriend’s sofa with him & his family. i was very worried but after a couple of minutes it slowed down again and since i wasn’t alone (it was weekend) i didn’t freak as much as the first time. however, last night, alone in the apartment, i startet to feel stings in the heart region. being completely honest, although it kinda embarrasses me, i panicked – big time. i was so afraid and just couldn’t get myself to calm down. so, i called my mum again and asked her to come and get me. she, thank god, started driving immediately and picked me up about 40 minutes later. i cried during the entire car ride. all the emotions i tried so hard to hold back in my daily life collapsed onto me and sucked me down, down, down. i was sobbing like a 3 year old and it was really hard to stop. i don’t even know what exactly is stressing me so much – if it is my new work situation, almost having no time left, being alone so much, worrying about the future or whatever. but it was awful and i felt really horrible. when we arrived in my hometown (where my parents & boyfriend live), we drove straight to the hospital to check me out. i just needed to know if my body wasn’t ok or not. and i couldn’t wait any day longer and have me worry even more. so they did a full checkup, and after some waiting the doctor told me everything was normal and there wasn’t anything wrong with me, anatomically. i was a little relieved, but not entirely. what the heck was going on then? i seriously felt like i had gone mental. i was really quiet and felt empty for the rest of the night and i slept like a baby, drifting off next to my boyfriend like i haven’t in years. this morning, i still felt kinda weird. i had informed my boss the night before and he was so nice to excuse me for today, so i could visit another doctor in order to do a 24-h-EKG (which was what the hospital doctor said to do). so this doctor referred me to another doctor who i will call tomorrow, but told me not to worry. he was really really nice and finally managed to calm my mind down more (much needed).

*insert sleeping like a baby again, getting my work day over with, coming home, showering, writing a motivational quote on a newly bought blackboard and hanging it up, cooking and eating a massive amount of vegan half veggie-risotto, talking to the bf and watching gossip girl*

  i’m just realising how weird this post must read, but as you see i needed time to progress and write. i woke up really positive today, but in the middle of my workday i felt the sadness, frustration, emptiness and perspectivelessness come creeping in again. an AWFUL feeling. i can’t really say what exactly it is, but somehow i guess it’s work-related. weird thing is, my team is really nice and everyone’s so happy (or seems to be?), but something seems to keep pulling me down there. i called my bf in my lunch break, who kinda also isn’t on top off his game atm. he seemed so distant within the last days and somehow, which normally happens automatically, failed to calm me down and make me feel home. i’m not saying it’s his fault – not. at. all. which made me feel even weirder, even more misplaced. when i was talking to him on the phone today, it still felt that way- not comfortable. i figured, that maybe i’m pulling him down with me. he’s got a lot going on right now and me being somehow close to depressed and sick was probably not helping..so now i felt even worse and guilty on top of that. enter the downwind spiral. luckily, while we were talking i felt the situation was changing. he was becoming my safe place again, being fully present and there. i told him, briefly but very honestly, about my feelings and fears which had been collapsing over me, even the ones related to me making him feel bad. he was back. talking like my person, lifting some of the heavy weight off my shoulders. we discussed what i could do to find out what was dragging me down and how to fight it off. since it had been confirmed that, anatomically speaking, i am healthy (still gonna do that 24h-EKG asap, though), i will be trying to fight off those fears. more and more i realised and could also speak out loudly that i seem to be psychologically messed up a little bit. i also told him that i’m embarrassed by this possibility. i mean, come on, i’ve only been working 4 months up until now – and i’m too weak to take that?! he told me that, just like people have allergies or asthma, others might get psychological issues due to external factors not even aware of. moreover, depression comes from chemical  processes out of the person’s control. he told me again and again that this wasn’t a flaw and i wouldn’t be a failure or mentally weak – even if it would eventually turn out that i am suffering from severe depression. my lunch break was almost over at that time, and i was def. not looking forward to working another 3 and a half hours. i was very relieved i had my bf back and thankful for him being so supportive, still dreading going back into the office. totally unexpected, the working afternoon was better than anticipated. i had gained back some strength to make it through the next hours, although feeling still weak on the inside and out. i suppose, i also felt kinda weak, physically, due to the exhaustion caused by the hot yoga the night before, but i can’t say for sure. finally, my working shift ended and i – for the first time in a long period – didn’t feel completely awful!! this realisation led to a massive stream of positivity flowing through my entire being, and i feel as if i’m still floating on it now. what.a.feeling! 🙂

anyways, as this post got long and quite confusing already, i’m off to enjoy me not feeling terrible and getting a good night’s rest. i so hope it will continue to go up again and that i’ll manage to battle the negativity one day after the other. i’ll go to yoga-class tomorrow at 11am and really look forward to seeing my bf tomorrow night. he just said he’s feeling better too and is also able to look forward to it. that god!

a good – or better- day was much needed.

wishing everyone the best,

yours,

s.

p.s.: i’m guessing that my physical not-well-being is either psychosomatic or due to generally quite low bloodpressure (i have a history of fainting). to be continued.

“a hero 

is an ordinary individual

who finds the strength

to perserve and endure

in spite of 

overwhelming obstacles”

- Christopher Reeves

taste the lifestyle (80/10/10)

…i’m melting! like, literally.

it’s summer here and today has been about the hottest day in a couple of years. oh wait, tomorrow, they said it will be even hotter. yay.

don’t get me wrong, sun on your skin is awesome but there definitely is something like too hot.

ok, to the point now (if i somehow just randomly stop typing and you’ll get a weird unfinished post, it’s save to assume that i just died of heat!) .

 

i just came home from a couple of days at an absolutely stunning lake where i stayed with my family. that is mum, dad & 2 younger brothers!

believe me, it was awesome and i didn’t mind the heat at all 😉IMG_1258

 

 

 

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still fun at age 20!

 

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gorgeous hidden mountain-lake we also visited

 

 

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simply beautiful.

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mmmh i just really enjoyed doing nooooothing productive at all and relaxing with my clan!

just so refreshing.

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 don’t mind the weather. it still was freaking hot, clouds kept coming and leaving 🙂

 

 
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my little baby brother…<3

 

so, this post is supposed to give you a glimpse into my current lifestyle. i’ll try to keep it as short and sweet as possible, but i suppose i’ll still have some explaining to do!

as you already know i am a committed and food-loving vegan and if you’ve been around for a while you’ll know that i am able to inhale tons of fruit. veggies are the main stars of most of my dinners, often accompanied by vegan protein sources such as chickpeas, lentils and beans. i gotta say that i’ve been eating many more raw nuts than everyone i know or i’ve heard of during the last couple of years and my go-to snacks are always dried fruit such as dried figs or dates.

i generally have been avoiding fat-sources other than nuts for the longest time, meaning no or low oil since i’m kinda sensitive when it comes to (vegan) oils. also, i don’t miss it for taste at all.

something changed.

probably a couple of months ago i stumbled across a video of Freelee the Banana Girl on youtube and started watching some more of her videos on her channel. this girl looks absolutely amazing and lives off fruit only. yes, i said fruit only! (plus some leafy greens like spinach, kale etc.)

since i already had quite some days where i would eat fruit only & felt really great i got interested and looked into what is known as “The Banana Girl Movement“. this lifestyle stems from a book that is relatively good known within the “raw movement” written by Douglas Graham and called “The 80/10/10 Diet“.

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cut reeeeeeeally down to the most basic points (in my view), Graham says that the optimal total nutrition ratio for the human body is 80 % carbs, 10% protein and 10% fat. Healthy & perfect sources for carbs are fruit and veggies, which themselves are made up of an overall nutrition ratio of 80/10/10. all food should be exclusively vegan, raw or as unprocessed as possible and if doable, organic.

this entire idea of nutrition and wellbeing due to food is not a new one and is supported by various scientific findings such as The China Study and is essential for a happy, healthy and long life. the concept of 80/10/10 is also widely referred to as “LFRV” (low fat raw vegan) and “LFHC” (low fat high carb).

the Banana Girl Movement/Lifestyle is based on these findings. just a couple of years ago a sub-group of the Banana Girl Diet was “formed” by Freelee and her mother. this sub-group is called “RawTilFour” and basically means eating raw, HCLF vegan meals for all day and then rounding it off with an equally vegan, 80/10/10 kind of COOKED meal. think baked potatoes, vegan pasta with low fat (and low sodium) tomato sauce and tons of veggies.

ok, so far so good. i just recently found a website where the entire idea is briefly summarized in an excellent way, so i’ll spare you a bad try of me explaining it and just ask you to read this post here in case you’re interested!

back to me!

the entire idea or concept sounds completely reasonable (and scientifically backed up) and moreover totally fits my lifestyle already, only with a few alterations that i started incorporating after watching Freelee’s videos, joining the facebook group and reading the book by Doug Graham:

  • eliminate salt completely (stores water in the body & damages taste buds!)
  • cut back nut consumption drastically (waaaay to much fat!!!)
  • cooked veggies & some grains instead of legumes & beans (a little adaption needed but just as yummy)
  • eat more more more fruit to get the needed calories in (we’re talking kilos of fruit!)
  • drink more water (minimum of 3 liters per day; not too hard for me anyways;) )

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yummmmmmy vegan pasta al pomodoro at a restaurant accompanied by unsalted, no oil salad. 

note: when dining out salt and oil consumption is often very hard to control. this is no biggie however, as you don’t eat out everyday and it is still a vegan and high carb meal 🙂

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homemade corn-pasta with spinach and tomato sauce. no oil, no salt, no worries! 

 

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homemade vegan bananashake: bananas, water, cinnamon and you’re in heaven!

 

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thank god he gave us dates! super delicious, super nutritious, super easy to carry around! 

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standard for me: minimum of 4 apples & 2 bananas a day!

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homemade veggie pan sans oil. all you need is water for roasting! was accompanied by a lot of rice.

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brokkoli is my friend! this one especially 🙂

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figs…oh, how i love thee! dried, sweet & heeeeelthy!

ok, so what exactly does my lifestyle look like right now?

as i really feel great & thrive right now, i don’t plan on changing anything to how i’ve been livin in the past. depending on daily circumstances and my feelings & cravings i have some days where i only eat fruit, but really a whole lot of it. undereating stands no chance! (apples, bananas, dates and pineapples are my favs right now!)

some other days i would eat fruit until dinner and then have some cooked 80/10/10 meal at night. and also a lot of it! i’m having seconds, thirds and sometimes even thirds! 😉

when i’m out with friends or family i’ll sometimes have huge salads or cooked vegan, carb-based meals for dinner or even lunch. as said, it’s not always possible to control the amount of salt and/or oil in a meal when dining out, but i’ll just not make a big deal out of it and relax since i dine out relatively rarely.

the key here is to always drink a lot of clear water and really eat enough calories!

so, do i “cheat“?

first of all, i refuse to call it cheating when i don’t exactly stick to the guidelines. yes, i still have my cup of coffee with some soy milk, but i’m cutting back big time. yes, i’ll also sometimes eat some nuts with my meal of as a snack, but i also reduced this a lot which actually feels good.

and the “worst thing” (haha) is that i still enjoy some rice cakes with dark vegan chocolate on top of them, occasionally. sorry, but i just love them sometimes!;)

no, seriously, i don’t want to restrict myself. i enjoy this lifestyle and won’t allow it to become like a set of rules than need punishment when i don’t exactly stick to them a 100%.

however, i automatically come closer to the recommended things and feel really unbelievable! i have so much energy that it is hard for me not to work out some days, which i sometimes should as my muscles would still ache a little!;) i’m doing some kind of workout every freaking day, even when its just walking, it’s movement and feels fantastic!

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ok wow, this post has gotten really long. in case i got you interested now, please check out the book by Doug Graham, Freelee’s youtube channel and her facebook pages, as well as The China Study or the according movie “Forks over Knifes”! These recommendations are seriously life-changing and i wish everyone would know about them.

 

in case you want to share your opinion, thoughts, experiences or have a question, please feel free to comment on this post!

 

i wish you a wonderful night,

yours s.